Jokes

mart · 01-24-2009, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhyYou

Why isn't it pronounced oneteen? Why isn't 10 pronounced zeroteen? Why isn't 12 pronounced twoteen?

(13,14,15,16,17,18, and 19 all have the second number pronounced before the first number)

I wish i hadn't included that one.

Geezer · 02-11-2009, 06:51 PM

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ' Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot? '

The parrot says, ' I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot. '

' Holy crap, ' the guy replies. ' You actually understood and answered me! '

' I got every word, ' says the parrot. ' I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird '

' Oh yeah? ' the guy asks, ' Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet? '

' Well, ' the parrot says, ' this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers. '

' Wow, ' says the guy. ' You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. ' Sorry, but I just can't afford that. '

' Pssssssst, ' says the parrot, 'I' m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer! '

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, ' Psssssssssssst, ' and motions him over with one wing. ' I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man.. '

' What are you talking about? ' asks the guy.

' When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie. '

' WHAT??? ' the guy asks incredulously.. ' THEN what happened? '

' Well, then the UPS man came into the house and
lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over, ' reported the parrot.

' NO! ' he exclaims. ' And she let him? '

' Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.... '

Then the frantic guy demands, ' THEN WHAT HAPPENED? '

' Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch! '

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day.

captnjack · 02-12-2009, 08:20 AM

that's pretty good geezer

tigger · 02-13-2009, 01:15 AM

Good one geezer! What do you put on a pig with sunburn??????????????????????? Oinkment! :d

DWM222 · 02-20-2009, 02:52 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL

mart · 02-21-2009, 09:21 AM

Funny video DWM222 although it really shoudn't be funny lol. How did these women pass their test!.

I know women are reknowned for bad parking but did they have to prove it on film lol. I was in tears watching that woman trying to park her car in the slot then the guy parks it in 20 seconds flat. At least she didn't hit any other cars lol. How the hell did the woman overturn at the gates!

.

Geezer · 02-21-2009, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DWM222

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL

I loved the end of the video where the guy whizzes into a parking spot! I wish I could do that!!

DWM222 · 02-23-2009, 02:44 AM

Yep...It sure made me chuckle Mart....& Geezer, I thought that was you in the video...LOL

ugo · 02-28-2009, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DWM222

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL

Good One DWM222 !!
AaaH hahaha,.....Im very fun !!!!

But women can not be too ignorant!

laranger · 02-28-2009, 06:06 PM

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along:

Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

02-11-2009, 06:51 PM	#2
Geezer Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: San Jose, CA Posts: 895	Defective Parrot A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ' Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot? ' The parrot says, ' I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot. ' ' Holy crap, ' the guy replies. ' You actually understood and answered me! ' ' I got every word, ' says the parrot. ' I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird ' ' Oh yeah? ' the guy asks, ' Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet? ' ' Well, ' the parrot says, ' this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers. ' ' Wow, ' says the guy. ' You really can understand and speak English can't you?' 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English.' The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. ' Sorry, but I just can't afford that. ' ' Pssssssst, ' says the parrot, 'I' m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer! ' The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, ' Psssssssssssst, ' and motions him over with one wing. ' I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man.. ' ' What are you talking about? ' asks the guy. ' When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie. ' ' WHAT??? ' the guy asks incredulously.. ' THEN what happened? ' ' Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over, ' reported the parrot. ' NO! ' he exclaims. ' And she let him? ' ' Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.... ' Then the frantic guy demands, ' THEN WHAT HAPPENED? ' ' Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch! ' If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day.

02-12-2009, 08:20 AM	#3
captnjack Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: 3rd rock from the sun Posts: 818	that's pretty good geezer __________________ But in your dreams whatever they may be Dream a little dream of me

02-13-2009, 01:15 AM	#4
tigger Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: out yonder way! Posts: 1,093	Good one geezer! What do you put on a pig with sunburn??????????????????????? Oinkment! :d __________________ IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING YOU BETTER BE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

02-20-2009, 02:52 AM	#5
DWM222 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 478	Best drivers in the world http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A Someone sent me this..so I thought I'd share...these girls can drive LOL __________________ Have I ever lied to you....That you know of?

02-21-2009, 09:21 AM	#6
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Funny video DWM222 although it really shoudn't be funny lol. How did these women pass their test!. I know women are reknowned for bad parking but did they have to prove it on film lol. I was in tears watching that woman trying to park her car in the slot then the guy parks it in 20 seconds flat. At least she didn't hit any other cars lol. How the hell did the woman overturn at the gates!. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

02-23-2009, 02:44 AM	#8
DWM222 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 478	Yep...It sure made me chuckle Mart....& Geezer, I thought that was you in the video...LOL __________________ Have I ever lied to you....That you know of?

02-28-2009, 06:06 PM	#10
laranger Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 604	In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination. I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along: Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.' Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.' Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!' Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!' Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence) __________________ Mediocrity shouldn't be a life goal.