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[danielle_ftv]

Originally Posted by Max

You should do a scene with Ron Jeremy.

Not even remotely attracted to him....so I definitely won't be hiring him for a scene with me.

[costamar]

Atta girl! I wouldn't want to see you get intimate with the Hedgehog.

[danielle_ftv]

Originally Posted by costamar

Atta girl! I wouldn't want to see you get intimate with the Hedgehog.

Lol...you're awful

[RonTheLogician]

Dear Danny,

It would be very strange if you never played with Barbie and her doll friends while you were growing up! Might she and steady boyfriend Ken still be among the things stored in a dusty old trunk somewhere?

Did you know that, like you, while she is an American girl, Barbie spent her earliest years living in Germany - albeit under an alias, Bild Lilli?

The whole story is this. In 1952, the Hamburg tabloid Bild-Zeitung introduced a comic strip character called Lilli. Sassy and ambitious, she was not bashful to talk about sex. And while she held a secretarial job, she was also fond of socializing with rich men. Starting in 1955, a Bild Lilli doll was sold. During a 1956 trip, American Ruth Handler, wife of a Mattel co-founder, discovered and would go on to license the sauerkraut sweetie, renaming her after her only daughter, so that she could debut in New York on March 9, 1959 as the Barbie we all know today.

Thus, one should not be surprised that Barbie never completely forgot her sexy origins, and would eventually win undying fame as Pornstar Barbie!

For some strange reason, unlike you, Pornstar Barbie doesn't have a profile at the Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD). But since I am a stage logician, I happen to know that Porno Babs does have one (albeit of dubious accuracy!) at the Illogicopedia here.

Pornstar Barbie started out slowly, just doing softcore films with a horror twist, such as her memorable part in the 4-minute Boys are Mean: Throw Rocks at Them! Check out her entrance in this classic here.

Ultimately, she and Ken went on to establish their reputations during the Golden Age of Porn, doing romantic hardcore like the beautiful 4-minute Pornografia which you can still enjoy today here. Believe me, you've never seen a facial scene like this before!

Disgusted with its tidal-wave of low-grade "VCR" videography, Pornstar Barbie retired from the industry during the 1980's. While her fans entertained hopes for a porn comeback after her appearance in the sexually suggestive mainstream 1997 music video Barbie Girl, they were disappointed. But now, strangely enough, as old as she is, Babs is looking for SOME way to get back into the biz! Happily, since she started out being made of plastic, plastic surgery has worked especially well in preserving her youthful beauty. Few believe she is two days older than Nina Hartley, but she is.

I spoke to her only last month and so know that she would KILL (and maybe even do scat play - eeewww!) for the chance to appear on Danielle Delaunay's Vlog Show! And get this - despite her celebrated fame, this veteran would be happy to take an UNPAID INTERNSHIP! I guess she figures the publicity alone would be worth it.

Thus I suggested that she and Ken might audition for a short regular segment within your show in which they did a static tableau vivant of a different Kama Sutra coital position each time, on which you could offer commentary. I was crestfallen when she told me this concept had been implicitly floated at Halfbakery here way back at the dawn of this century. But damn it, NO ONE has made it happen yet - and you CAN, should you so choose!

Since it would cost too much to license use of Aqua's Barbie Girl, you could always tell your vlog viewers to hum to themselves the part where Ken repeatedly sings "Come on Barbie, let's go party!" as segment bumper music.

Although you are obviously under no obligation to help Porno Babs, I have nonetheless sent you a couple of e-book Kama Sutras to enjoy. (Actually, one of them is a digest of both this famous book and derivative works.) While I would still toss the Kama Sutra for Masters and Johnson data when it came to sexual response facts, the former can be a source of playful and artistic fun!

To close, some nasty critics have sneered that Ken is very poorly hung for a porn star. As it turns out, long ago he put even John C. Holmes to shame. But that was before his tragic accident in a BDSM scene, when he was wearing the ironically named "Cheerful Chef" outfit, seen here. I'll spare you the ugly details, but that object you see pierced by the skewer is NOT a hot dog - although people sometimes do call it a wiener. Thank goodness he's still a wiz at Kenilingus!

[RonTheLogician]

Originally Posted by Randolph Carter

...If it works, I'll send you some cookies. Or maybe Danielle dressed as a Girl Scout...?

Originally Posted by Anoree

Hey, that's actually a nice theme idea for a shoot! Danielle as a cookie selling Girl Scout that ... seduces the buyer.
Danielle, do you still have a Girl Scout uniform?

Consider the following feature-film premise starring Danny as a cookie-selling Girl Scout.

In school, Danny's science lab class receives some new high-tech custom manufacturing gear (laser range-finder, 3D printer, etc.) and each student is told of his/her obligation to undertake some project making use of it.

After school, Danny and her BFF, who are both Girl Scouts, discuss fundraising for their Girl Scout troop. Danny brings up the tradition of selling cookies. But her BFF, Miyu, laments that "No one wants to buy dumb old cookies these days!"

So Danny then mentions the old (1978) dubbed German film they had watched together during the previous weekend, called Leidenschaftliche Bl?mchen, set at an upscale all-female boarding school in the Alps during the 1950's. "We could always clandestinely sell sexual services," says Danny, giggling, "just like the boarding school girls did to the boys at the boarding school down the road!" Skeptical Miyu grins, but says "Yeah, right! Like we're gonna get away with running a cathouse in our Girl Scout club house! ...We'll just have to think of something else!"

Now, Danny and Miyu are lovers, and when they run out of ideas, they start to go at it with one another. As Danny is going down on Miyu, just seconds before the latter is about to come, Danny's head pops up and she says: "Wait a minute! I just had an incredible idea!" Miyu says: "Goddamit! Can't you finish me off first?"

"No, this is too important!" replies Danny. "Listen," she continues, "maybe we can't make money for the Girl Scouts by charging someone for eating your cookie, like I was just doing... but what if we SOLD them your cookie instead?" Puzzled, Miyu demands "What the f_uck are you talking about?"

Now Danny explains. With the new gear in their science lab, the two girls can take 3D scans of their genitals and fabricate injection molds for cookie dough, whereby they can mass-produce edible copies of their girlie goodies. "Just think," says Danny, "these will be the very first Girl Scout cookies EVER sold which are replicas of the actual cookies of real Girl Scouts!" Miyu's jaw drops open and she exclaims "My God, what a concept! Let's do it!"

And what do you know? The idea is a tremendous success! Of course, given the very conservative nature of the local community, they don't tell any of their customers that the "artistic design" of the cookies they sell are pussies. But it seems that for some mysterious reason, customers find the cookies extremely appealing - perhaps because of an unconscious understanding that eating the cookies constitutes symbolic cunnilingus. (In doing their door-to-door sales, their most avid buyers are always males - and also females with crewcuts, hiking boots and well-developed biceps.)

Then the enterprise REALLY starts to take off! The initial success encourages Danny and Miyu to engage the other girls in their troop as models and salespeople. Needing a way to differentiate the various designs, Danny quickly hits upon the obvious idea of naming each after the girl upon whom it is based. So besides Dannys and Miyus, soon this Girl Scout troop starts selling Alices and Debbies and Julies and Pattis and Rachels, too. They even put up posters, in each of which one of the girls uses her hand to place a cookie into the open mouth of customer, whose blissful face says it all, with a typical caption reading "I love nothing better than eating a Julie!" (And once, you only thought "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee!" Although I guess it's possible you also knew that lesbians on a diet ate Jenny Craig.)

Soon, business is so brisk that door-to-door sales are abandoned for a dedicated cookie shop which brings in no shortage of customers. And now that one can serve the cookies fresh for on-site consumption, an enhanced recipe becomes possible. Danny realizes that if she can make the cookies not only LOOK like pussies, but TASTE like them too, sales might well skyrocket. Since human vaginal lubricant is basically blood plasma, it becomes rather easy to access a commercial supply of material whereby "frosted" cookies, eaten on site, can be sold at very high markup.

Finally, the shop branches out into the catering business. Its big break comes when a national woman's church group decides to relocate its annual convention to town! The shop lands the refreshments contract. Come the day of the meeting, all the girls in Danny's troop are there, wearing their Girl Scout uniforms, and serving full trays of cookies to the conventioneers. Unfortunately, the bee in the bonnet of this group is helping lesbians to "recover" from the "sin" of homosexuality - as Danny and the girls only learn far too late!

All this provides plenty of fodder for comedy. Surprisingly, the convention women never notice what the delicious and lovely cookies resemble. That's because all of them are so sexually repressed that they've never once looked at their own mature sex organs, let alone those of any other woman. And if the rumors are true, when they bathe or diaper their very own babies, they even avert their vision so they won't see "something which God has forbidden them to gaze upon"!

But then comes the keynote speech by a "redeemed" ex-lesbian, who arrived just in time to make her address. When she is finished, she mentions how hungry she is to one of the women in attendance, who brings her a plate of the beautiful and tasty local specialty cookie to enjoy. At this, the speaker's eyes grow huge and her mouth goes agape. Then she says to her companion "Don't you know... what... these... are... what you've been eating all this time?" The naive companion innocently shakes her head in the negative, and when told, drops the plate in shock.

It happens that some of the Girl Scouts had been standing nearby and Miyu looks at Danny (who appears rather worried) and slowly says "Uh....oh...."

Then the speaker goes back to the podium, taps on the mike and silences the murmuring crowd that had recently applauded her speech. She then tells them about the cookies and the silence is deafening. Finally, as if she had told them the cookies were made of 100% dogshit, each woman in the audience spits out the cookie she had been chewing, in a scene worthy of The Three Stooges.

Miyu then turns to Danny again and glumly says "I guess we won't have our contract renewed next year..." At first crestfallen, Danny's frown then turns into a smile as she replies "You're right; but look at it this way: Now we'll have lots more cookies to enjoy ourselves!" At this, Danny and Miyu each take a cookie, stuff it into the other's mouth, start chewing, hug, and turn to face the camera cheek-to-cheek as the scene fades out.

I leave the final word to Nookie Monster - I mean Cookie Monster, here.

Edit: Link changed to English Wikipedia page. (The Forum software doesn't like Umlauts.) (A)

[Tom M]

Doesn't all this have the whiff of abuse? Or have Girl Scouts suddenly become adults?

[Randolph Carter]

Originally Posted by Tom M

Doesn't all this have the whiff of abuse? Or have Girl Scouts suddenly become adults?

Nah...it's a just humorous fantasy. I think we are all capable of differentiating fantasy from reality and would never actually proposition a Girl Scout! Not to get all lecture-y (is that a word?) but most adult movies involve fantasies that would never happen in real life. How many times has your neighbor come over and seduced you? When did you go into a bank and the busty teller told you that there was an irregularity in your account but you "could work it out"? Has your secretary been caught tossing the salad of her attractive co-worker?

All in all, sex has to be fun and Danielle makes it that way by being both beautiful and funny! How many other adult stars do you know who tell you about their pets? In the world of adult entertainment, Danielle has put a tremendous amount of her personal life out for us. If you look at her updates, you'll see the type of person she is and that she would NEVER advocate child abuse.