Jokes

WhyYou · 02-27-2011, 03:10 AM

LOL...Good one Padawan!

WhyYou · 03-02-2011, 03:36 AM

Got this one in an email today:

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him.. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old, and 1 year old.

The middle one is Eli. Eli really loved Chapstick. LOVED it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then losing it.

Finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom that I kept my Chapstick and explained he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer after he finished because I used it sometimes several times a day.

That year, on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around to try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box.

I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car, and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally go into the bathroom.

There was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped."

Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. And the only question to ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth!?!

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever, because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize... they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt.

tigger · 03-02-2011, 12:32 PM

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL. OH GOD THAT WAS FUNNY!

mart · 03-02-2011, 05:40 PM

Really love that one WhyYou!.

Padawan · 03-05-2011, 10:53 AM

You might have heard this one already but I post it nevertheless...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

WhyYou · 03-05-2011, 08:34 PM

That's a new one for me Padawan....LOL!!!

WhyYou · 03-15-2011, 02:34 PM

When a male can't stand it anymore!
Priceless shot!

A photographer will die of old age waiting to get another shot like this one.

02-27-2011, 03:10 AM	#1
WhyYou Lead Moderator (deceased) Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Joplin, Missouri Posts: 829	LOL...Good one Padawan! __________________ It's what's inside that counts the most

03-02-2011, 03:36 AM	#2
WhyYou Lead Moderator (deceased) Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Joplin, Missouri Posts: 829	Chapstick Got this one in an email today: We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him.. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old, and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loved Chapstick. LOVED it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then losing it. Finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom that I kept my Chapstick and explained he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer after he finished because I used it sometimes several times a day. That year, on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around to try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood. We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car, and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally go into the bathroom. There was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. And the only question to ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth!?! And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever, because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize... they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt. __________________ It's what's inside that counts the most

03-02-2011, 12:32 PM	#3
tigger Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: out yonder way! Posts: 1,093	LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL. OH GOD THAT WAS FUNNY! __________________ IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING YOU BETTER BE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

03-02-2011, 05:40 PM	#4
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Really love that one WhyYou!. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

03-05-2011, 10:53 AM	#5
Padawan Board Newbie Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Finland Posts: 8	You might have heard this one already but I post it nevertheless... Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" __________________ Uh huh. That's right. I said it. I meant it. I'm here to represent it. -Hank Moody-

03-05-2011, 08:34 PM	#6
WhyYou Lead Moderator (deceased) Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Joplin, Missouri Posts: 829	That's a new one for me Padawan....LOL!!! __________________ It's what's inside that counts the most