*** Danielle's Journal ***

[danielle_ftv]

June 14, 2010
Okay so I think I'm going to have to give up on the Brit. I realize that it's really only been like a week since we've seen each other and he may not like talking or texting on phones. What gets me is that when I went on his Facebook page to see if he finally added me I saw that he changed his profile picture and didn't add me. Now it takes a lot longer to change your profile picture than it does to press the "accept" button and add someone as your friend. I'm thinking he may have a girlfriend or he isn't that interested in me (which I can't believe since I got a text message from him saying that he "missed a certain someone" which I assume is me.) If he has a girlfriend I am going to be so p!ssed because he told me he didn't and I am not okay at all being the "other person". I don't like cheaters and I don't like being unknowingly involved in cheating. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call or text him or even message him on Facebook and ask him what's going on. I really probably should give it up but then again I'm not a quitter at all and I had an amazing time with him and thought that things could work out even though we live thousands of miles away from each other. What I don't understand is how I'm not completely jaded at guys considering how much I get lied to. Honestly I should become a private detective because I ALWAYS find out about people lying to me. I wonder what the Brit would think if he read these journal entries about him. Personally I would be flattered but knowing my luck he would probably think I'm crazy.

So the shoot yesterday went very well. Love Bug was a total superstar. We started off doing the shoot with her at this office building park that totally reminded me of Texas. LB had a blast running around, smelling things. The next shoot was a sexy dressy shoot in the pink dress and white heels that I wore for my birthday celebration in the party bus in Vegas. We ended up getting caught by this one employee there. He was really nice about it, even apologized and said he wasn't looking as he was walking to the restroom. When he came out though he suggested that we leave which we did after taking a few more pictures. FTVRob and I went out to eat at this one restaurant Blanco's with some of Rob's friends. I will never eat there again...the service was incredibly slow and it took us an hour and a half to order, get our food, eat it and go. Though we did shoot a little bit in the restaurant so that kind of made up for it. After that we went back to the FTV house and shot my 4th of July shoot.

[danielle_ftv]

July 13, 2010
I just banned my first forum member ever. I will absolutely not put up with racist remarks. People make me so mad sometimes. I don't understand why people would take their time to go on a website just to make racist remarks. I realize that everyone has their own beliefs and I respect that but there is a point were you are taking it too freaking far.

End rant...so right now I am totally enjoying my life. I'm in San Diego still. Not sure when I will be leaving to go back home, probably sometime this week. I still have yet to do a photoshoot so I've been hanging out with friends and working/editing. I also went to a bonsai class on Sunday morning. Tomorrow night I will be attending some business class on copyrighting. Should be interesting. I also attended a Rotary ceremony with my friend. I'm definitely interested in joining Rotary now and since I have enough free time for it I think it would be great to do so. I've only had a couple issues being here. One is that it's so loud here. My friends play music like all day/night long (at least they play good Electronic music which I totally love.) Also the next door neighbors are super loud and you can hear like everything they say. It's kind of weird for me since I'm so used to being by myself and the apartments that I live in are incredibly quiet. The other issue is the heat and humidity in the house. The apartment my friends live in is super old and has no air conditioning. I keep my apartment at about 65 degrees all the time so it's been kind of hard dealing with the heat. But when I get outside it's absolutely fabulous. I love how cold it is here....especially since it's summer.

I am not looking foward to the drive back home (it's a terribly boring 5 1/2 hour drive through the blandest desert landscape ever!) I ended up driving instead of flying because A) I needed my car to get around and B) I wanted LB with me but wasn't ready to fly with her yet. Plus I can stay how ever long I want to without having to constantly change my flight.

LB is doing fantastic here now. At first she was super skittish (she still kind of is.) She kept peeing and pooing in my friends house but hasn't done it for a couple days now which I am very happy about. Apparently my friends thought my dog was way older than 6 months. They told me that I treat her like an adult dog and not a puppy. But the books that I read stated that she should be trained by now hence why I treat her like she's older. I really want to take her to a doggie park so she can play with some other dogs. There is also a doggie beach park here too which I would absolutely love to see her play in. She's never been in the water so it should be interesting to see how she reacts to it.

EDC (Electric Daisy Carnival in LA) was absolutely fantastic this year. Definitely better than last year. Like last year we got VIP tickets (the only way to go since VIP is 21+ and the rest of the festival isn't). VIP was pretty cool but it definitely wasn't as awesome as last year. Last year they has photo booths, a hookah booth, a massage booth, an airbrush tattoo booth, and people walking around with candy. This year they cleared everything out and just put in a lot of seating areas (which is very much needed when you are running around in 6 inch moon boots.) Another one of the minuses is the bathroom set up for the females. They have tons of bathrooms for guys but only two trailer bathrooms for the girls. The dj's were amazing. I met some new friends all of whom live in San Diego. Dallas completely forgot her ticket like 10 minutes into the cab ride to EDC so we had to turn around to grab them...I'm surprised at the patience cab drivers have. The first night I dressed up as a mouse (Dallas dressed up as a slutty cat .) I got a ton of compliments on my costume which was very surprising since I thought Dallas would be the one getting all the compliments. I always think it's funny when I get VIP tickets since the main draw of VIP is the open bar (only vodka and beer though) and I don't usually drink that much. I got recognized in public by one of my fans too. I was so excited when he told me that he knew who I was. We ended up hanging out a bit and he also got to meet some of my friends. I was totally ready to after party (I think I had one of those 5 hour energy shots beforehand) but none of my friends wanted to since they wanted to be rested for the next night. Trying to get a cab that night was a huge pain. We ended up walking 2 miles and finally found one (though I had to pay $40 for a $10 cab ride...totally worth it though!).

The second day Dallas and I were supposed to get our makeup done by a professional makeup artist. She ended up being an hour and a half late because of traffic (the same traffic we got stuck in the day before.) Dallas is fairly inpatient so she ended up flaking out and decided to do her makeup herself. I loved getting my makeup done. Since we were going as bumblebees I got a black, yellow, and gold makeup makeover done. I got a ton of compliments on this costume too...but that could also be because my costume lit up. I met this really cool guy there who also lives in San Diego (we'll call him D). We ended up hanging out most of the night. My friends left me at EDC and went to Avalon. I was kind of irritated with them since the only person who told me they were all leaving was my friend Monty. It ended up being a good thing though since I got to hang out with D who also drove me back to the hotel (absolutely perfect since I did not want to have to through the whole cab fiasco again.) We also ended up going about 10 feet away from the main stage while Paul Van Dyk was playing. D had those Fukoku vibrating gloves (you might have seen them on one of Lia19's updates). Anyways he used those to get us up to the front of the stage by touching people. I absolutely loved the look on people's faces when we would touch them with the glove. At first they would be all startled like "WTF was that?!" then they would get this look on their face like "OMG more please!"...it was hillarious. They parted like Moses and the red sea. Trying to get to sleep that night was a huge pain. My next door neighbor was after partying and they were playing their music incredibly loud. At first I was like "heck yeah, I could sleep to this" until I realized that I actually can't sleep when there is any type of sound. I had to call security on them twice before they finally turned it off.

The flight back wasn't bad especially since I had Dallas with me. I've been doing a lot better when flying recently but I assumed that would happen since I've been flying a ton (Southwest luvs me!) We had a total pig out day when we got back to my house. I think it's hillarious when Dallas and I have days like that. She was running around my house in a t-shirt and no pants or underwear.

[danielle_ftv]

July 26, 2010
I'm so silly. I'm making a list of male and female talent that I would like to "get with" hehe. Going to make a collage and post it up for you guys in a bit.

2:30 PM
Okay so here are the females that I want to get with

[danielle_ftv]

Continued...

And here is the male talent I want to get with

[danielle_ftv]

September 3, 2010
Wow...it's been such a long time since I've written a new journal entry. It's interesting too because honestly it doesn't feel like a long time. Of course I have been traveling a ton like normal and am pretty busy with friends and school. School started about a week ago. I'm taking English and Math this semester (not going to take any more than that since I will be traveling even more than I did last year.) My English class is already making me take a look at the word I'm using incorrectly. It's kind of driving me insane to be honest. I've also noticed that I say certain words way too much like...like lol. One of my goals is to stop cursing and stop saying "like", "um", "uh" (there's other words to that I would like to stop using as much but I can't really think of them right now.)

Love Bug is doing great. She did get in an accident (she fell down the stairs) about two or three weeks ago. It absolutely terrified me. When she fell she just layed there on the ground for about five minutes not moving or anything. I ran over to her, checked her purse, and started giving her mouth to mouth CPR. Driving to the vet was absolutely horrible. I was completely distraught and got lost a couple times. I was also having full blown panic attacks and was hypervenhilating. It would've been so embarassing fainting in front of the vet because of LB's injury. The vet was super cute to which didn't make it any better since I was a complete nutcase. So anyways they did a couple x-rays of LB and told me that she had a "mild to moderate" spinal injury. They gave me some pain pills and anti-inflammatories for her and said that she needed to be on "bed rest" for about a month which is pretty much what she does anyways (she's not to active of a dog and usually just cuddles with me most the day.)

Since the last time I updated my journal I've done two shoots. One was with this really cute younger guy who is training to replace FTVRob as the photographer and videographer for FTVGirls. I like his work but nothing really compares to FTVRob's...and it seems like his pictures aren't as vibrant as Rob's. I think he could do very well if he just continues training. He's also fairly quite....at least he isn't a creeper though. We did two photo/video updates. One of them was at an office building in my black Bebe dress where I did a panty stuffing scene. I ended up making the video of that a candid behind the scenes video. Apparently that was also the newbie photog's first time doing spreads...made it kind of weird for me lol though he was totally cool about it. The other video was at a bank in a white skirt and yellow spaghetti strap shirt. We did a masturbation scene there though I didn't get off and got really p!ssed off about. I ended up throwing the toy and cursing because I was so frustrated. At least I don't fake it.

The last shoot I did was in the end of last month. Renna Ryann (www.RennaRyann.com) our newest FTVCash contract star flew over from Florida. I don't know why but for whatever reason I thought she lived in LA. The flight from Florida to AZ is about 5 hours long and she had to wake up super early but she wasn't as tired as I thought she would be (actually she had more energy than I did.) I picked her up at the airport and we went back to my apartment so she could help me pick out clothes to shoot with (we both wanted to kind of match). The first set we did was in an office building. It was an awesome location and would've been an awesome shoot if it weren't so darn hot outside. Renna loved it...apparently the Florida humidity is way worse than the 105 degree dry heat which I can completely understand having lived in Texas but I was still sweating like crazy. Altogether we got 3 professional video and photo updates shot (the hot, office building one, one in sexy dresses doing oral, and another in casual clothes in the pink room with a cucumber.) We also did a candid video shoot in the big FTV house comparing how deep we could get the famous FTV toys (the Big 10, the FTV Monster, etc.). I know that Renna also did quite a bit of shooting by herself. She ended up staying the night at the FTV house (I offered to let her stay in my guest bedroom but she didn't want to bother me). We had a really nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and was going to see a movie but couldn't because of the time. A little bit after I dropped her off she called me asking me how to turn the lights on in the main bedroom. I guess she is kind of scared of the dark so I also ended up getting kind of creeped out too lol.

My San Diego/San Francisco trip in the beginning of August was fun. We didn't stay in SD for to long since we had to be at a friends martial arts tournament in Campbell (about 30 minutes outside of SF). The drive up to SF was pretty long but didn't really seem that way since there was a group of us. The tournament was fun to watch and definitely made me want to start taking self defense classes. I personally would love to take Krav Magaw classes and have looked into it here. Apparently they have about 4 or 5 schools here that teach it. In San Francisco we stayed at the Intercontinental. I got the most awesome room ever. There were floor to ceiling windows around half the room. I got this amazing cheese plate (if I ever see a cheese plate on a menu I have to order it.) One of the cheeses was awfully smelly though and ended up stinking up the room for a night. I thought it was hillarious. We went to this Japanese tapas restaurant. I've had Spanish tapas but never Japanese tapas so I talked my friend into going. I ended up ordering some of the weirdest things on the menu (if only just to say I've tried it). I got chicken hearts, beef tongue, and a couple other really odd dishes. Honestly the best thing I ordered there was the fried cheese . The next day we did a massage at Tru Spa (the same spa I went to last time I visited SF...love that place). We got lost getting there like two times. I was absolutely frustrated by the time we got there. We also visited Pier 39 where I got this cool Scottish knife with a blue stone in the hilt. There was also a fairy shop that I didn't get to go into last time I visited the pier but luckily it was open this time.

I got Dallas a few things since it was her birthday (which I ended up missing...though to be honest I really didn't know when she was celebrating it and I had prepaid for the room already so wasn't able to cancel.) I really did feel awful for missing her birthday. She was pretty upset with me for a while and wasn't really talking to me. I ended up making her these awesome Happy Birthday posters and cupcakes to which said "Happy Belated B-Day" (the car ride over to her house ended up smearing the letters so you couldn't read what it said.)Her birthday present is a "couples" massage and facial with me. I've taken my sister and a couple other friends to do massage and facials...they always love it.



This week has been kind of crazy. I've been in party mode for some reason. I've joked with Dallas that I'm becoming an "Amazon Dallas". She's such a social butterfly and loves to go out so we've been side kicks this whole week. Last Saturday was awesome. We did a girls night out and started at American Junkie. There was only five of us (well four since one of the girls ended up staying at Junkie). After that we went to White House which honestly I didn't really care for. Maybe it was because I wasn't really in the mood to be there....I think it was the music. I don't really care for hip hop (which that club was playing a lot of) so wasn't all that into that club. Plus I was getting highly annoyed at the guys around us. There were these two idiots that kept on taking my fedora off even when I told them to stop. That's a complete no-no...it's like messing with a girls hair when it's all done up but even worse since my hair looked like crap underneath the hat.



Afterpartying that night was awesome though. We stayed up until the sun rose...and then some. I love going to chill little house parties especially since quite a few of my friends DJ.

Tuesday night we went to Sapporo's for our girlfriend's birthday dinner. I've done tapanaki there about three times and everytime I get such a kick out of watching the chefs prepare the food. Wednesday night Dallas and I went to a couple lingerie stores to find costumes for Nocturnal festival this month in San Bernadino. I'm doing a purple, silver, and black theme. I already bought purple and black leg fluffys and sparkly purple and silver wrist fluffys. I also got purple fishnet hose and black fishnet arm gloves. Wednesday night I bought a really tiny black lacey skirt and some tiny booty shorts to go underneath. I'm probably going to buy a purple corset since I can't seem to find the right shirt for the outfit. And then there are these awesome hair "falls" that I'm going to have made in dark and light purple. I'm going to do my hair like Sailor Moon...overall I think it's going to look fantastic. After we went shopping we went to eat at FEZ which is this gay bar/restaurant in downtown Phoenix. I had the most amazing pesto Caesar salad ever. They even had key lime pie martinis which was really interesting since the only place I've ever seen those was in Salem, Massachusetts when I went there for Halloween in '07 I think it was. After FEZ we went to American Junkie where we ended up staying the rest of the night.

[danielle_ftv]

Sept. 12, 2010
I am about 90% sure that this will be my costume for this Halloween. I will be going as Queen Anne Boleyn (but with my head.) If I do decide to go as Queen Anne I will have to order the costume within the next few days since it's all custom made and will take about a month to make. I'm pretty excited about it though and think that it will definitely be the most extravagant costume at whatever party I attend. Speaking of Halloween parties...I'm probably going to stay here for Halloween since I will be traveling two of the other weekends in the month of October. I will be going to Big Bear, CA for Oktoberfest again like I did last year with all my friends. The cabin we are renting is even nicer than the one we got last year. It has a jacuzzi in the back which I'm sure we will end up using (though if it's anything like last year it will be super cold.) I will also be attending Monster Massive in LA for the first time ever. I'm trying to get my friends to dress up as Final Fantasy characters since I have the Yuna costume from Final Fantasy 12 (at least I think it's 12.) My friend Andrew is down to do a FF theme and Dallas seems okay with it to as long as I can find something "slutty" for her to wear (and yes she did request her costume be slutty.)



Love Bug got spayed on Thursday. She is doing very well. She hasn't been messing with her stitches at all which makes me pretty happy though I do keep the Elizabethan collar on her when I'm not at home. She does not seem to like the collar at all though after the first 5 minutes of wearing it she didn't try to take it off.


I also received my purple/black furry boot covers, fingerless fishnet gloves, furry black choker, and glittery purple/black bracelets for my Nocturnal costume. Instead of buying a shirt like I thought I would have to I found a sexy black almost gothic looking shirt that I've had for years now and have never worn. It will work perfectly though it covers everything in the front (it has a very high neckline...up to my throat). The back is connected by straps so I will have to tighten it somehow...probably with safety pins. Overall it will be a lot "darker" look than I normally go for...but it will work.

The boot covers...there are three colors (light purple, dark purple and black) but the dark purple and black seem to blend together in this picture.


The fairy wings I got for LB....like mother, like daughter. She loves them to and didn't once try to take them off.

[danielle_ftv]

Sept. 17, 2010
I wonder if I should start adding the journal entries as an update. I know of a few solo site girls who do that. It might also bring more attention to my journal updates since I am sure there are some members who only go on the forum to just look at the updates listing thread.

Sometimes I hate reading other people's blogs (well hate might be a little too strong of a word.) I went onto a blog today of a very well known porn star. She writes very eloquently...to a point that I almost felt...well dumbed down in a sense. I know I'm a smart girl, no doubt about that. But it's times like that when I realize that there are so many other people who are way smarter than me and for whatever reason that makes me feel incredibly dumb. It not only makes me feel dumb it makes me feel like I couldn't be an author (my back up job to being a doctor.) That especially happens when reading some books. I just think about how unlikely it is that I will ever be able to write as well as they do. I have a hard time expressing myself also. The words and thoughts are in my brain but trying to get them out...well it's incredibly difficult.

I watched some of the dirty cartoon porn that CaptnJack sent me. It's pretty hot stuff (though quite old...it is vintage cartoon porn though.) I also ended up watching a gay sex dvd which I also very much love. Being in a relationship with two very hot bisexual men who only have eyes for me (and of course each other) is my ultimate fantasy. I think that became my fantasy after reading the Anita Blake series by Laurell K Hamilton. I also just read book called Fairyville which was super, super hot. It's the first book I've ever read that had a full on gay sex scene in it with the most delicious descriptions about it. BTW delicious is one of the words that I actually really don't like saying. It kind of creeps me out for some reason.

I hate my upstairs neighbors. I think it's only a couple with their dog. They are just incredibly noisy. For about two days I had to listen to them having the world's loudest sex. The walls in my apartment are pretty thick. I've really never been able to hear my past neighbors, so the fact that I can hear the female screaming her head off during sex definitely shows she is being way too loud. I haven't heard anything tonight thank gawd. I hope that their next door neighbors complained about the noise. The sex noise wouldn't be so bad if they weren't going at it like bunnies. I mean all freaking day and night. Not to mention that they let their stupid dog bark incessantly when I know they are home, they walk around like they weigh a ton, and they play their awful music almost as loud as her bed voice (though to be fair I've only had to listen to their music once.) I figured I would wait it out and see if we have another noisy night before complaining to the apartment managers. Plus to be perfectly honest, it's incredibly uncomfortable hearing someone have sex when you haven't gotten laid in a long time .