Jokes - Page 8

ugo · 06-16-2009, 08:20 PM

Amusing videos. LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjmGsCNRVt4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25ogp...eature=related

mart · 06-17-2009, 03:58 AM

Funny videos Ugo, reminds me of the late Benny Hill or Candid Camera.

Candid camera
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJxzYuysUP0

Benny Hill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=810TQyT2KXI

Texasdrake · 06-19-2009, 10:17 PM

DWM222 that was very funny having a mugger getting the table turn on him.Unlucky a female friend from Miami wasn't so lucky.Two big "Tough" colored guys mugged her.Her being a small petite female gotten her nose busted when they pistol whipped her and took everythign she had..and she lives out of a Hotel when she's lucky enough to make enough tips to pay for one.Worst part they stole her expensive meds she needed for Crohns Disease that she has.Well me personally if I was there with her and they tried that crap..I wouldn't have been so "Nice" and just blow their nuts off.Here in Texas we can legally carry a conseal firearm...once we taken the course that allows us to do so.

ugo · 06-23-2009, 05:19 PM

Another,...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og5AQ...ture=rec-HM-r2

mart · 06-23-2009, 05:23 PM

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

To all Chuck Norris fans i apologise.

ugo · 06-24-2009, 08:00 AM

Others nice videi.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz2U5...response_watch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50GN3vfe2U0&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjY47hkVTZM&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amsTh...eature=related

mart · 06-24-2009, 09:08 AM

I love Candid Camera, nice find Ugo. Their actually quite sexy as well, in a funny way.

mart · 06-24-2009, 09:26 AM

How many of these guys were actually gentlemen by not looking up? not many.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUeMgZrLO8s

ugo · 06-24-2009, 03:18 PM

I like video camera too, Friend Mart.

And are so many sexy videos,.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dImY5ZYQlgE&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH0ruEWZ7yA&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5IZZ...eature=related

mart · 06-25-2009, 06:14 PM

Nice videos Ugo, i think Candid Camera was the best prank show ever.

ugo · 06-26-2009, 09:52 AM

Indeed Mart.

Others videos amusing.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ezjzunuz23m

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?iczd32kn2yi

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?qmmvtmmkmo3

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jnj2dvj0dzm

mart · 06-26-2009, 11:55 AM

Thanks Ugo! their hilarious, especially the one with the bed filled with water.

ugo · 06-26-2009, 12:30 PM

Yeah Mart. To me very hilariou that "water mattress".

laranger · 06-27-2009, 01:01 AM

When Farrah Fawcett arrived in Heaven, God granted her one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe.

So God killed Micheal Jackson.

Texasdrake · 06-27-2009, 01:31 AM

Yeah and the "funny" part was Jackson's death was bigger news then Fawcett's.

DWM222 · 06-27-2009, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texasdrake

DWM222 that was very funny having a mugger getting the table turn on him.Unlucky a female friend from Miami wasn't so lucky.Two big "Tough" colored guys mugged her.Her being a small petite female gotten her nose busted when they pistol whipped her and took everythign she had..and she lives out of a Hotel when she's lucky enough to make enough tips to pay for one.Worst part they stole her expensive meds she needed for Crohns Disease that she has.Well me personally if I was there with her and they tried that crap..I wouldn't have been so "Nice" and just blow their nuts off.Here in Texas we can legally carry a conseal firearm...once we taken the course that allows us to do so.

Texasdrake..sorry to hear about your friend..

DWM222 · 06-27-2009, 08:56 PM

>
> I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
>
> FOR EXAMPLE:
>
> One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
>
> I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
>
> So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
>
> 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
>
> She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
>
> Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
>
> The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
>
> We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
>
> I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
> Dear, let's go to the cashier.'
>
> I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
>
> Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
>
> I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
>
> And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
>
> Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her.
>

mart · 06-27-2009, 09:19 PM

Nice one DWM222! boy are you in trouble with the ladies now, Lia! Danielle! look what DWM222 wrote!!!.

DWM222 · 06-27-2009, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

Nice one DWM222! boy are you in trouble with the ladies now, Lia! Danielle! look what DWM222 wrote!!!.

Geeze...never thought of that (probably why I have so many x-wives)..

mart · 06-27-2009, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DWM222

Geeze...never thought of that (probably why I have so many x-wives)..

Nah! you just like to live on the edge DWM222! and just fall off occasionally.

DWM222 · 06-27-2009, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

Nah! you just like to live on the edge DWM222! and just fall off occasionally.

LOL...thats me "Extreme"..hope it doesn't wind up being "I've fallen & I can't get up"...

DWM222 · 06-27-2009, 09:53 PM

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. I have even done it myself a couple times, unintentionally, but this one is real, and it's important.

Please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

mart · 06-27-2009, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DWM222

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. I have even done it myself a couple times, unintentionally, but this one is real, and it's important.

Please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

You fell for it as well DWM222!!!,oh well, at least i'm not the only one then.

WhyYou · 07-01-2009, 04:53 PM

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'

Donald frowned and said, 'No.'

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill?

'No!' Donald quacked, ‘I'll thuffocate’

captnjack · 07-01-2009, 10:22 PM

Now that was funny WhyYou!

WhyYou · 07-04-2009, 04:10 PM

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

MISSY · 07-08-2009, 03:24 AM

Guy walks into a bar sees a beautiful blond, he walkes over to her and says i want to be part of your body, she lookes at himand said No thanks i already have a *******!!!!!!!

mart · 07-08-2009, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MISSY

Guy walks into a bar sees a beautiful blond, he walkes over to her and says i want to be part of your body, she lookes at himand said No thanks i already have a *******!!!!!!!

Lol, nice one MISSY!.

ugo · 07-13-2009, 09:43 AM

The perfume of the magics.

who wants to adopt this dessert "newborn" kitten?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elEnZ...c-HM-fresh+div

ugo · 07-13-2009, 09:44 AM

The perfume of the magics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elEnZ...c-HM-fresh+div

I didn't believe it !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRvC5...eature=related

tigger · 07-14-2009, 08:31 PM

Think of a number.
multiply it by 3
now add 5
take away the number you first thought of.
now add 7
subtract 4
add back the number you first thought of

now close your eyes

DARK, ISN'T IT? LOL

mart · 07-15-2009, 04:32 AM

Here's some of the British version of "Candid Camera". It's called "Just for laughs".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z69U3BmmfQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbdN87gyVwE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ueg7Q7hO7U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNTj5Fus1K4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SijboFaP5kY

ugo · 07-15-2009, 11:08 AM

Nice Mart.

I had already seen. They are all amusing ones.

laranger · 07-16-2009, 03:44 AM

Boy asks his mom, why am I black and you are white?
Mom says, "don't even go there, the way that party went, you are damn lucky you don't bark."

ugo · 07-16-2009, 08:03 AM

Difference of communication in our society.

captnjack · 07-16-2009, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laranger

Boy asks his mom, why am I black and you are white?
Mom says, "don't even go there, the way that party went, you are damn lucky you don't bark."

Now that's funny Laranger

captnjack · 07-16-2009, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

Here's some of the British version of "Candid Camera". It's called "Just for laughs".

funny Mart!

mart · 07-16-2009, 07:54 PM

Here's one of my favourites from "just for laughs" can you guess why!.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b34h-3yLZDc

captnjack · 07-17-2009, 08:08 AM

No Mart I can't guess why!

ugo · 07-17-2009, 06:26 PM

I would be prepared to be a gentleman toward a woman "so" (to buy flowers, and to show my sweetness of good civic sense).

captnjack · 08-01-2009, 09:52 AM

What did one lesbian frog say to another lesbian frog?

Hmm they are right we do taste like chicken!!!

mart · 08-04-2009, 07:13 PM

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ***."OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your *** it won't be Cheerios!"
__________________

mart · 08-04-2009, 07:16 PM

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
Bartender says, "Um, sir- you have a steering wheel jammed in your drawers?"
Pirate replies, "Arrrgh, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Two fish were sitting in their tank. One says to the other, " You drive, I'll man the gun."

Immortal · 08-10-2009, 01:46 AM

Heres a text i got today, i often get these from my daughter.

" A cop tells a hooker she can't be selling sex. She says i'm not,
I'm selling condoms with free ***** samples."

Kids, gotta love em!

mart · 08-10-2009, 08:14 PM

blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from all that skipping."

What do blondes do with their ******** in the morning?.
Pack their lunch and send them to work.

How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?.
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?.
A mental block.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?.
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Boy am i trouble.

TheDoctor · 08-10-2009, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from all that skipping."

What do blondes do with their ******** in the morning?.
Pack their lunch and send them to work.

How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?.
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?.
A mental block.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?.
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Boy am i trouble.

Alison, blonde.
Lia, blonde.
Danielle, natural blonde, formerly dye extraordinaire.

Yes, man, you are so in trouble...

mart · 08-11-2009, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDoctor

Alison, blonde.
Lia, blonde.
Danielle, natural blonde, formerly dye extraordinaire.

Yes, man, you are so in trouble...

Thought i was, but then no blonde jokes could ever relate to Lia, Alison or Danielle. Because all three of these girls are smart and intelligent.

Phew!!!, i think i'm out of trouble now.

T-bone Thomas · 08-11-2009, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

Thought i was, but then no blonde jokes could ever relate to Lia, Alison or Danielle. Because all three of these girls are smart and intelligent.

Phew!!!, i think i'm out of trouble now.

Don't worry Mart. Relating to Lia I can say she likes jokes about blondes and she knows some good ones herself.
Hmmm, I hope I didn't confuse her with someone else? Maybe I'm in trouble now, lol.

TheDoctor · 08-11-2009, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart

Thought i was, but then no blonde jokes could ever relate to Lia, Alison or Danielle. Because all three of these girls are smart and intelligent.

Phew!!!, i think i'm out of trouble now.

I know.

06-16-2009, 08:20 PM	#344
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Amusing videos. LOL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjmGsCNRVt4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25ogp...eature=related __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

06-17-2009, 03:58 AM	#345
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Funny videos Ugo, reminds me of the late Benny Hill or Candid Camera. Candid camera http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJxzYuysUP0 Benny Hill http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=810TQyT2KXI __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-19-2009, 10:17 PM	#346
Texasdrake Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ft.Worth,Tx Posts: 399	DWM222 that was very funny having a mugger getting the table turn on him.Unlucky a female friend from Miami wasn't so lucky.Two big "Tough" colored guys mugged her.Her being a small petite female gotten her nose busted when they pistol whipped her and took everythign she had..and she lives out of a Hotel when she's lucky enough to make enough tips to pay for one.Worst part they stole her expensive meds she needed for Crohns Disease that she has.Well me personally if I was there with her and they tried that crap..I wouldn't have been so "Nice" and just blow their nuts off.Here in Texas we can legally carry a conseal firearm...once we taken the course that allows us to do so. __________________ I didn't do it!!! The dog did.

06-23-2009, 05:19 PM	#347
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Another,... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og5AQ...ture=rec-HM-r2 __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

06-23-2009, 05:23 PM	#348
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you. To all Chuck Norris fans i apologise. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-24-2009, 08:00 AM	#349
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Others nice videi. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz2U5...response_watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50GN3vfe2U0&NR=1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjY47hkVTZM&NR=1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amsTh...eature=related __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

06-24-2009, 09:08 AM	#350
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	I love Candid Camera, nice find Ugo. Their actually quite sexy as well, in a funny way. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-24-2009, 09:26 AM	#351
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	How many of these guys were actually gentlemen by not looking up? not many. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUeMgZrLO8s __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-24-2009, 03:18 PM	#352
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	I like video camera too, Friend Mart. And are so many sexy videos,..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dImY5ZYQlgE&NR=1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH0ruEWZ7yA&NR=1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5IZZ...eature=related __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

06-25-2009, 06:14 PM	#353
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Nice videos Ugo, i think Candid Camera was the best prank show ever. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-26-2009, 09:52 AM	#354
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Indeed Mart. Others videos amusing. http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ezjzunuz23m http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?iczd32kn2yi http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?qmmvtmmkmo3 http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jnj2dvj0dzm __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

06-26-2009, 11:55 AM	#355
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Thanks Ugo! their hilarious, especially the one with the bed filled with water. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-26-2009, 12:30 PM	#356
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Yeah Mart. To me very hilariou that "water mattress". __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

06-27-2009, 01:01 AM	#357
laranger Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 604	When Farrah Fawcett arrived in Heaven, God granted her one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe. So God killed Micheal Jackson. __________________ Mediocrity shouldn't be a life goal.

06-27-2009, 01:31 AM	#358
Texasdrake Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ft.Worth,Tx Posts: 399	Yeah and the "funny" part was Jackson's death was bigger news then Fawcett's. __________________ I didn't do it!!! The dog did.

06-27-2009, 08:56 PM	#360
DWM222 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 478	> > I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. > > FOR EXAMPLE: > > One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' > > I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' > > So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... > > 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' > > She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' > > Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. > > The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' > > We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis > > I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all > Dear, let's go to the cashier.' > > I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' > > Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' > > I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' > > And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' > > Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her. > __________________ Have I ever lied to you....That you know of?

06-27-2009, 09:19 PM	#361
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Nice one DWM222! boy are you in trouble with the ladies now, Lia! Danielle! look what DWM222 wrote!!!. __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

06-27-2009, 09:53 PM	#365
DWM222 Danielle's Biggest Fan Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 478	Warning...please read.. I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. I have even done it myself a couple times, unintentionally, but this one is real, and it's important. Please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. __________________ Have I ever lied to you....That you know of?

07-01-2009, 04:53 PM	#367
WhyYou Lead Moderator (deceased) Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Joplin, Missouri Posts: 829	Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?' Donald frowned and said, 'No.' Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex. 'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested. So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms. 'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill? 'No!' Donald quacked, ‘I'll thuffocate’ __________________ It's what's inside that counts the most

07-01-2009, 10:22 PM	#368
captnjack Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: 3rd rock from the sun Posts: 818	Now that was funny WhyYou! __________________ But in your dreams whatever they may be Dream a little dream of me

07-04-2009, 04:10 PM	#369
WhyYou Lead Moderator (deceased) Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Joplin, Missouri Posts: 829	A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.' The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.' __________________ It's what's inside that counts the most

07-08-2009, 03:24 AM	#370
MISSY Danielle's Imaginary Girlfriend Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: VA. Posts: 598	Guy walks into a bar sees a beautiful blond, he walkes over to her and says i want to be part of your body, she lookes at himand said No thanks i already have a *******!!!!!!!

07-13-2009, 09:43 AM	#372
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	The perfume of the magics. who wants to adopt this dessert "newborn" kitten?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elEnZ...c-HM-fresh+div __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

07-13-2009, 09:44 AM	#373
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	The perfume of the magics. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elEnZ...c-HM-fresh+div I didn't believe it !!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRvC5...eature=related __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl. Last edited by ugo; 07-13-2009 at 11:26 AM.

07-14-2009, 08:31 PM	#374
tigger Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: out yonder way! Posts: 1,093	Think of a number. multiply it by 3 now add 5 take away the number you first thought of. now add 7 subtract 4 add back the number you first thought of now close your eyes DARK, ISN'T IT? LOL __________________ IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING YOU BETTER BE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

07-15-2009, 04:32 AM	#375
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Here's some of the British version of "Candid Camera". It's called "Just for laughs". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z69U3BmmfQ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbdN87gyVwE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ueg7Q7hO7U http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNTj5Fus1K4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SijboFaP5kY __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

07-15-2009, 11:08 AM	#376
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	Nice Mart. I had already seen. They are all amusing ones. __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

07-16-2009, 03:44 AM	#377
laranger Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 604	Boy asks his mom, why am I black and you are white? Mom says, "don't even go there, the way that party went, you are damn lucky you don't bark." __________________ Mediocrity shouldn't be a life goal.

07-16-2009, 07:54 PM	#381
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	Here's one of my favourites from "just for laughs" can you guess why!. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b34h-3yLZDc __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

07-17-2009, 08:08 AM	#382
captnjack Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: 3rd rock from the sun Posts: 818	No Mart I can't guess why! __________________ But in your dreams whatever they may be Dream a little dream of me

07-17-2009, 06:26 PM	#383
ugo Danielle's Future Ex-Husband Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,556	I would be prepared to be a gentleman toward a woman "so" (to buy flowers, and to show my sweetness of good civic sense). __________________ Hope,Love,sex : Loving a Girl.

08-01-2009, 09:52 AM	#384
captnjack Danielle's Imaginary Boyfriend Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: 3rd rock from the sun Posts: 818	What did one lesbian frog say to another lesbian frog? Hmm they are right we do taste like chicken!!! __________________ But in your dreams whatever they may be Dream a little dream of me

08-04-2009, 07:13 PM	#385
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say *."OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man? "I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your * it won't be Cheerios!" __________________ __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

08-04-2009, 07:16 PM	#386
mart Danielle's Only True Love Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Garden of England, Kent Posts: 2,189	A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender says, "Um, sir- you have a steering wheel jammed in your drawers?" Pirate replies, "Arrrgh, it's drivin' me nuts!" Two fish were sitting in their tank. One says to the other, " You drive, I'll man the gun." __________________ If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

08-10-2009, 01:46 AM	#387
Immortal In Love with Danielle Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Middle-of-nowhere, Wisconsin. Posts: 174	Text message's Heres a text i got today, i often get these from my daughter. " A cop tells a hooker she can't be selling sex. She says i'm not, I'm selling condoms with free ***** samples." Kids, gotta love em! __________________ аемб еру ыучшуые цщьут щт еру штеуктуе! Wir lieben euch Danielle!