Hey Dani,
In one of your video logs some time ago, you characterized yourself as a "sex addict." Please do disabuse me if I misunderstand, but the perjorative connotation of "addict" says to me that you regard your avid consumption of sexual activity as doing you greater harm than good, for all the latter that it does (e.g. emotionally and financially) nonetheless.
Perhaps you have seen the first two installments of avant-garde director Lars van Trier's trilogy
Nymphomaniac, as I have. As I recall, the film's protagonist, played by Charlotte Gainsbourg, first toys with the idea her sex addiction is pathological, only to do an about face and embrace it as who she wants to be. Do you have an opinon of the film and any messages within it?
By now I hope you know I don't think porn is intrinsically harmful, either to producers or consumers. But anything might be undertaken in a way that lands up doing collateral harm. Are you in a position to entertain the idea of taking a "sabbatical" away from porn? You've been in the sexual arts about six years straight by now, right?
In our competitive world, successful people often worry if taking an extended leave from work, even for a worthy alternative activity, will fatally compromise their future prospects. But it can be very hard to take a reflective look at one's life when the daily grind is at hand.
Many years ago, it was very unusual for porn players to stay in the business for much more than a year. And even today, careers tend to be rather short, even much shorter than those of sports athletes. I can only wonder whether it is push or pull factors, or both, which account for this - I surely don't know. In any event, you might want to watch the 2010 documentary
After Porn Ends, trailer
here.
Porn has put a lot of money into your hands, which most people of your age without an expensive and demanding education would never see. I hope you have held on to enough of it that you can do yourself the kindness of the leading the life you really want - and enjoy the practical ability to indulge in any needed non-trivial introspection process.
Best always,
RtL