Dear Danny,
It would be very strange if you never played with Barbie and her doll friends while you were growing up! Might she and steady boyfriend Ken still be among the things stored in a dusty old trunk somewhere?
Did you know that, like you, while she is an American girl, Barbie spent her earliest years living in Germany - albeit under an alias,
Bild Lilli?
The whole story is this. In 1952, the Hamburg tabloid
Bild-Zeitung introduced a comic strip character called
Lilli. Sassy and ambitious, she was not bashful to talk about sex. And while she held a secretarial job, she was also fond of socializing with rich men. Starting in 1955, a Bild Lilli doll was sold. During a 1956 trip, American Ruth Handler, wife of a
Mattel co-founder, discovered and would go on to license the sauerkraut sweetie, renaming her after her only daughter, so that she could debut in New York on March 9, 1959 as the
Barbie we all know today.
Thus, one should not be surprised that Barbie never completely forgot her sexy origins, and would eventually win undying fame as
Pornstar Barbie!
For some strange reason, unlike you, Pornstar Barbie doesn't have a profile at the
Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD). But since I am a stage logician, I happen to know that Porno Babs does have one (albeit of dubious accuracy!) at the
Illogicopedia here.
Pornstar Barbie started out slowly, just doing softcore films with a horror twist, such as her memorable part in the 4-minute
Boys are Mean: Throw Rocks at Them! Check out her entrance in this classic
here.
Ultimately, she and Ken went on to establish their reputations during the
Golden Age of Porn, doing romantic hardcore like the beautiful 4-minute
Pornografia which you can still enjoy today
here. Believe me, you've never seen a
facial scene like this before!
Disgusted with its tidal-wave of low-grade "VCR" videography, Pornstar Barbie retired from the industry during the 1980's. While her fans entertained hopes for a porn comeback after her appearance in the sexually suggestive mainstream 1997 music video
Barbie Girl, they were disappointed. But now, strangely enough, as old as she is, Babs is looking for SOME way to get back into the biz! Happily, since she started out being made of plastic, plastic surgery has worked especially well in preserving her youthful beauty. Few believe she is two days older than Nina Hartley, but she is.
I spoke to her only last month and so know that she would KILL (and maybe even do scat play - eeewww!) for the chance to appear on Danielle Delaunay's
Vlog Show! And get this - despite her celebrated fame, this veteran would be happy to take an UNPAID INTERNSHIP! I guess she figures the publicity alone would be worth it.
Thus I suggested that she and Ken might audition for a short regular segment within your show in which they did a static
tableau vivant of a different
Kama Sutra coital position each time, on which you could offer commentary. I was crestfallen when she told me this concept had been implicitly floated at
Halfbakery here way back at the dawn of this century. But damn it, NO ONE has made it happen yet - and you CAN, should you so choose!
Since it would cost too much to license use of Aqua's
Barbie Girl, you could always tell your vlog viewers to hum to themselves the part where Ken repeatedly sings "Come on Barbie, let's go party!" as segment bumper music.
Although you are obviously under no obligation to help Porno Babs, I have nonetheless sent you a couple of e-book Kama Sutras to enjoy. (Actually, one of them is a digest of both this famous book and derivative works.) While I would still toss the Kama Sutra for Masters and Johnson data when it came to sexual response facts, the former can be a source of playful and artistic fun!
To close, some nasty critics have sneered that Ken is very poorly hung for a porn star. As it turns out, long ago he put even John C. Holmes to shame. But that was before his tragic accident in a BDSM scene, when he was wearing the ironically named "Cheerful Chef" outfit, seen
here. I'll spare you the ugly details, but that object you see pierced by the skewer is NOT a hot dog - although people sometimes do call it a wiener. Thank goodness he's still a wiz at Kenilingus!