October 1st, 2010
Wow the last month has really flown by, my goodness I don't know what happened! I apologize for not updating, I was producing for a friends company. They were doing these over the top productions and I was directing their solo scenes.... now that I reflect so much has happened over the last month I have no idea where to start.
Well I am finally back to work after being sick for two weeks, my doctor told me to rest because I was getting sick a few weeks ago and wouldn't stop working so it kinda made it worse. By the time I went to see the doctor I had no voice, couldn't eat, and had an infection with ear/nose/throat problems... so much fun
Any hoo besides the persistant tickle in my throat all is better now and I am so happy to finally be back in my routine.
As for what I was directing, it really taught me a lot as to how I don't whan my own productions to go. I soon plan on shooting models for erotica themed shoots, I don't really plan on doing anything with it until I reach a point that I am happy with my work but I am truely surprised it how difficult it is to properly create and capture a moment. I have even more respect to Rob now. I thought I could take a model who was getting compensated well, put her in a beautiful environment, give her a little direction and film. That is definately not the case, these girls were beautiful but the second the camera came on they just because this weird fake person with over the top fake orgasms, high pitched fake voices, and nothing natural to them. I have no idea how to make a naturally beautiful person appear and act natural on camera AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS LOL!
I really don't want to shoot anymore for them, not because I don't want to help them because I do and not because I don't need the money because I do. But honestly if I can't create something beautiful that I am happy with then I want to shoot for myself and learn first.
Well speaking of the shooting I have some funny stories, the last model I shot was on Saturday. Call time: 10 am, Arrival time: the usual 11:30am. I woke up and went shopping since they never show up on time and I don't like being annoyed that early in the morning. Then we meet, she is cute, thin, spanish, long brown hair... with a little make up and in the right light she could be rather beautiful. Then she opens her mouth... she is ghetto and I can't tell if she hates me. It's always weird when you just meet someone and they already treat you like they hate you but oh well. By 1pm hair and makeup are done. I came up with the idea that since we are in this mansion overlooking the ocean that I would have her go outside and wash the windows in some cute cut-off shorts and a bikini top and slowly strip it off while playing with the soapy bubbles and smooshing her "assets" up against the window while I film from the inside. I thought it was cute. I go thru her wardrobe with her... stripper wear, platform heels, metallic bathing suit. Again I pull from my clothes (I had to pull from my clothes all week long because for some reason all these girls must be strippers) but no biggie because she looks really cute in the wardrobe. Now for the fun part, photos and video of the window washing come out well and I have her come inside for the masturbation so we can hear her better. While she is talking I'm not paying much attention but I did hear her tell me she could fist... thank goodness! Because the last 3 girls couldn't do anything all that interesting. Then for some reason she bends over and shoves her whole hand IN HER ***! Then the other hand goes in her vagina... "SWEET JESUS!" I say... "How long have you been in the industry?". She replies 2 months... I tell her to slow down... sadly she thinks I am joking. We film the scene and besides the really trashy dirty talk she did rather well I was happy and went on my way.
Now I get this is a long story, I am a terrible story teller but stay with me it gets crazier... honestly Ill never forget last saturday. Ok so that night they were supposed to throw this party where they have 3 hired porn girls and then their friends come over and the porn girls do scenes in the middle of the party (mostly hardcore scenes). It turned into a weiner fest with 30 guys crowded around one naked girl... very boring. But then the anal fister finds that we just recently purchased this toy. It's a giant fist larger than any mans full hand. (This is where I realize this girl need some therapy) The toy is about 20 inches tall and the fist is about 18 inches around. She convinces the head guy in charge that if she can fit that in her *** then she could keep it... WTF??
So she gets on top of the baby grand paino and a dozen guys swarm her with their iphone cameras to video the event. She selects a guy from the crowd the shove it in her ***. She lubes up and I have to watch. She is bent in doggie and for the most part I stand in front of her, I don't want to see to much but I do HAVE to see this. Also I am right by her face because I want to make sure she is ok. She screams in pain for over 20 minutes. She goes 5 mins grinding her teeth and cursing then she stops tries a different position and tells them to go again. Well needless to say she didn't want to stop until she got it in and she finally did. It made me sick and honestly want to cry. I felt bad for her and I really wonder what her parents did to have her turn out like this. She was younger than me meaning less than 2 years ago she was probably living with her parents and in high school. I really hope she one day gets help. I left as soon as my husband was done filming. After leaving I found out some of the guys gloved up and shoved their fists in her too.
Once again it makes me realize, this industry is wonderful. Pretty girls can make a lot of money working with great high end companies. They can have wonderful experiences like I had stay in multiple million dollar mansions, having their make up done, being catered to, and making 6 figures... but at the end of the day. Most of them are still too young to understand that it will get old fast. You will end up washed out way earlier than you should. Unless you invest wisely you won't have any money in a couple years to pay the taxes on all that money. There are way too many companies in this industry who use girls, don't treat them well, and then they begin treating themselves like trash. It's a real shame and I really want to create something beautiful one day. I'm not saying I want to be the next Rob. I doubt I am capapble of that but I want to improve and see what I am capable of. And I would really love to have a site one day about women, how they are all beautiful if they just relax and explore what is special about them. I would really love to opportunity to show a lot of the girls in this industry that there is so much more long term they can do and really respect themselves while doing it.
Ok Ill stop preaching... but seriously anal fister needs some therapy lol
And this weekend is going to be fun fun fun. Papa bear is shooting me tomorrow. We are doing something I saw in a magazine. I am going to buy lemons and make homemade lemonade. I am hoping I can find really small lemons and possibly place them somewhere *hint hint but I doubt that. Plus papa is really turned off when I use large objects in shoots, I think it makes him feel inferior but I like it so I shall continue to do it. Oh maybe I can make strawberry lemonade... red strawberrys would be fun to play with.. I wonder how many I could use at once.
*And I do realize I am talking about respecting myself one minute and then shoving strawberries in my cooter the next so if people feel I am being double sided with this sorry. I've learned from experience how important self respect is but at the same time I like showing off too, I just don't like doing it in front of crowds.
Well Ill be updating regularly, and today I am posting a few vblogs from questions geezer emailed me and a new video with a wonderful sweetheart I met a few months ago named Diamond James. I have been sitting on this videos for a while now... I don't know why.
I am going to try to rent a nice shoot house or mansion with some friends of mine at the end of this month. Ill be contacting Janessa Brazil, Sandy Summers, Diamond James, Britney Brooks, and Idelsy of loveanddeathproject to see if they want to go in on it with me and spend the weekend together just partying, relaxing, and playing. Fun part to that is we can get all of our husbands and boyfriends together so they can shoot us and hopefully it will all work out. Ill get on that now.
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!!
R